Christmas TV adverts aren't getting any better, or less premature

Christmas adverts are upon us once more and we speak of little other than what John Lewis has vomited up. Apparently.

This year it's ostensibly a wilfully weird production about a giant Venus flytrap, but at heart is the same old slop they churn out every year.

Not to be out-slopped, Sainsbury's have a cute little girl commandeering their PA to ask what Santa has for Christmas dinner. All concerned seem to think the child is to be indulged and cherished, but really she needs a good talking to.

Then, even weirder than that flytrap, Rick Astley is crowbarred into the proceedings to talk about cheese.

Still, it's significantly more palatable than their 2014 epic, which tastefully tapped into the carnage of World War One to inveigle us to buy more chocolate and glittery hats.

Lidl's song has lyrics that William McGonagall would be embarrassed to admit to, while Aldi are persevering with that stupid ruddy carrot.

I haven't seen Tesco's effort yet, although they could provide some festive cheer in Roker by supplying sufficient trolleys there.

Time was when we actually looked forward to Christmas commercials from leading retailer of the time, the late Woolworth's; although those were the days of three television channels and no internet.

These adverts were celebrity-laden musical extravaganzas: Harry Secombe dressed as a genie flogging us blank audio cassettes, Showaddywaddy plugging an electric organ, Bernie Winters and his never popular joke book... aah.

True, Woolworth's adverts were rubbish too, but good rubbish. Or am I just being old?

I suspect that then as now, the grievance with Christmas commercials was not so much their cheesy content as their awful prematurity. You can tell this column was not commissioned by a supermarket. It wasn't published in July.

I exaggerate but, in a world where seasonal mince pies are sold with an October 6 best before date, not by much.

Christmas Day is now 45 days away or, truer perspective, an eighth of a year.

Conversely it's not too early in 2023 to spare a thought for the less fortunate - supermarket employees whose ears have already been inflicted with Mariah Carey 1,428 times.